#22 Cold and Wet

Imagine you can write in the voice of the one you love: write from their perspective. Let yourself roam. Try to keep yourself out of any preconceived ideas you may have, and simply let the writing write itself.

Hi. It's Ben, Mom. Remember I visited you a few months ago in your dream?. I stood there with my hands in my pockets and I said I was "OK." Then, I had to go.

I know you are still waiting for me to come back. I can't come back, but I might drop by one of your dreams again. I'm not sure.

I'm on the other side, now. I"m dead and I'm cold. I should have known how cold the water would be in January. It's science you know; when the water's that cold, you can't rise to the surface. You just stay at the bottom and float around in these rushing currents. And, they never release you.

It's OK down here, but I'm really cold.

There is not much of me left. It was 20 weeks ago. Yikes. 20 weeks ago today! The orcas have done most of the damage so you wouldn't really know it was me. Grandfather Henry's watch has fallen off, I have no shoes left and my Nikon (I was going to shoot the bridge for my photography class) is long gone.

I know you think I'm trapped down here, but Puget Sound is kinda amazing. And, it's elemental. Water. I'm returning to the elements. I think that is kinda cool, too. So, you can always know I'm with you when you go to the beach, or to the islands. Someday, I may even turn into rain and water your garden. Now, that's kinda cool, right?

Mom, you don't need to keep crying. Please stop crying! Things just weren't working out for me. I didn't want to keep going. It wasn't exactly my idea but I lost it on the bridge. You could say it was the impulse of a confused young man. Yeah. It was impulsive but I had been struggling for a long time and I just didn't want to struggle any longer. I didn't do it to hurt you. I did it to try to take my hurt away. Believe me, I'm sorry.

I love you, Mom. I'll try to come back to you in one of your dreams again. I know you are waiting for me.

Love, Ben