#24 My Ben Star

Have you had encounters that let you know you're not alone? Synchronicities or just cool alignments of things that, whatever they "mean" or "don't mean," brought you even a moment of stillness inside your pain?

I am trying remember my own encounters of going from deep connection (love) to deep pain (loss). Does this really happen with me? Do I experience a state of grace, or do I just go from being numb to a flat normal and back again?

The only regular spiritual connection I have with my Ben is going to sound very, very strange.

Our master bedroom has a vaulted ceiling that peaks at 14'. At about 12' high, there is a white plastic smoke/carbon monoxide detector from Home Depot mounted above my side of the bed. It has a little green sensor light that is on continuously to show that the backup battery is working. There is nothing special about this nondescript piece of plastic.

When I crawl into bed late at night that little green light looks very different. I guess I'm suffering from early cataracts combined with my astigmatism but, with my glasses off, the light transforms into a bright white orb (shaped sort of like a corona!) about the size of a golf ball with a halo around it. Quite honestly, It looks like my own private star suspended in the dark sky right above me.

I talk to my star as if I was talking to Ben. I check in with him and I share some of my troubles with him. It gives me comfort especially in the middle of the night when I am unable to sleep. Rationally, I know I'm connecting with a photoelectric sensor on a plastic smoke detector, but irrationally I'm happy to have a radiant, constant, unknowable and mysterious light shining in my own sky, just for me. My Ben Star. For this I am grateful.